


baby it's alright (you can use me anytime)

by AnnCherie



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Bisexual Kyle Valenti, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-10-01 22:24:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20424587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnCherie/pseuds/AnnCherie
Summary: Baby it's alrightYou can use me anytimeIt doesn't really matterIf I only fill the space*kylex drabble





	baby it's alright (you can use me anytime)

Voice already yelling as he wakes himself up, chest pounding and heartbeat half up his throat, Alex can’t help but cough in adjustment. Once his yell has quieted, his lungs give way to hyperventilating, and even though he can tell from the motel alarm clock’s red display across the room that he isn’t in Iraq, he can’t force himself to calm down. Not immediately, when his eyes haven’t adjusted, not even when he can hear Kyle beside him trying to count him down. Air is lacking, his left leg is throbbing-- even though it isn’t, because it isn’t even there-- and when his chest slowly stops tightening he still has to listen to Kyle asking him to name highschool teachers in an attempt to disrupt the thoughts. When he’s through, he feels too vulnerable and bare. More than anything in the world, regardless of the fact that Kyle is a doctor now, he wants to hide and pretend that nothing happened and that his PTSD doesn't exist but it had only been a matter of time when he wasn’t taking his sleep meds. How could he, knowing that they were constantly chasing danger in the hopes that they would help people? He couldn’t be caught off guard.

He wants to tell Kyle to fuck off, because God does he wish he wasn’t weak, but he doesn’t. Just says, “I’m gonna take a shower”, because the sweat feels too real and reminds him he’s alive in ways he doesn’t want to be right now.

When he gets out (luckily the shower had been accommodating) Kyle has already laid back down on his side of the bed facing the window and its horrible styled curtains. Alex isn’t stupid, he knows damn well Kyle is only pretending to be asleep now for him, but he takes the out and lies down without speaking anyway.

Neither of them fall asleep, and Alex watches the red numbers of the digital clock tick later and later, before finally huffing loudly. “Want to just go over files again?”

“Not really,” came Kyle’s voice in response, all too quick. When he turns over, their faces feel all too close despite the almost foot gap. Alex can still feel the warmth in a way he doesn’t like, not after months of being single and too busy to have someone in his bed in any real way. “I hit my brain power quota for aliens about 1pm yesterday.”

“I need a distraction,” he admits.

Through the dim light, he can almost see Kyle smile; feels the movement as the man leans ever so slightly forward. “So use me.”

“Use you?” Alex asks, dumbfounded. A few months ago Kyle had admitted he wasn’t straight, but then the time to ask further questions had lapsed and Alex had pushed the thought out of his mind so often and deep that he had all but forgotten until now. Now, when his face has heated up to what surely would have been bright pink if he didn’t have the mercy of the dark-lit room.

“Yeah,” Kyle repeats, sounding like this is the most natural, obvious conclusion. “I mean I know you’re not into me, but--,”

“Valenti, I’m not going to  _ use _ you,” Alex says firmly. “Why the fuck would you let anyone  _ use _ you?”

Kyle huffs. “Just sex, Manes. We’re adults.”

“Also human, with feelings,” he argues back. Maybe it’s stupid to be in arms over something like this with Kyle of all people, the confident former jock now turned doctor that still had a six pack and megawatt smile. There’s just something so casual about the offer that Alex can’t get over, like Kyle's too familiar with being nothing more than a warm body. In the past, Alex might have thrown the description at Kyle himself, but now? Kyle was worth far more than just that.

“You don’t have to read into it,” Kyle replies. “More than welcome to just say no.”   
  


“That’s not-- I mean when was the last time you even had a relationship?”

Groaning, Kyle retreats back to his side and lays on his back. “What the fuck does that matter?”

“Just answer the damn question.”

Kyle scoffs, audibly. “I’ve never had one. Not unless you count Liz back in high school. My dad died, then I was trying to get through med school when I had never really studied before, and then I was a surgeon. No one  _ actually _ wants to date a surgeon when they realize that it comes with the package of long hours and cancelled plans from being on call. At least when it’s sex no one gets their feelings hurt.”

Still staring, he tries to decipher what exactly he should say. Or what he even wants to say. It isn't like Alex has any room to talk, not after being in the army with the threat of “don’t ask don’t tell” always looming around, not to mention his hang up on Michael. Yet here he is, pushing none other than his high school bully, albeit reformed, to think about the implications of continual random sex.

“You know--,” Alex starts, pausing when his heartbeat starts to spike. Why was  _ he _ the one embarrassed? “You know you deserve more than that, right?”

“I take my offer back,” is the annoyed response.

Feeling frustration rising right back, Alex snaps, “Why do I even try? One mature conversation about emotions and you repress just as much as you tell me not to.”

“Of course I’m going to repress,” Kyle shoots back angrily. “I try to pretend I only want to have sex with you and then on top of shooting me down you go into a lecture about what I deserve with someone who isn’t you!”

All of the sudden Alex can’t breathe again, and even if it’s for much different reasons than what now felt like forever ago in the same night; and his entire body tenses. “What?”

“You heard me,” he grumpily answers. “Look, I’ll just sleep in the truck.”

Alex reaches out to grab his arm before Kyle can finish sitting up. Fingers tight around the muscle of his arm, he says. “Wait.”

“Wait what?” Kyle asks, hesitant now. Sitting up more himself, Alex readjusts and replies, “Wait. I wasn’t exactly saying that you deserve someone who wasn’t me.”

“Then you were saying what?”

“I was saying that if we have sex, it’s not going to be me using you.” he says, nerves still on edge despite the fact that Kyle had confessed his own feelings not just minutes ago.

Kyle’s smiling hesitantly if Alex is making his expression out right through the dark, and his voice sounds ever so sly as he asks, “If?”

“Well you did take your offer back,” he replies, equally amused at the turn.

“I could be persuaded to reconsider.”

Alex chuckles. “Even if there might be emotions involved?”

“Especially then,” Kyle answers, but before their words can go any further Kyle has twisted himself around to mirror Alex and melted against his body in a way that was new and intoxicating.


End file.
